I Love Beauty

I went to school today. It wasn't really a class, more like a farewell get-together and an opportunity for professor Bob to ask us about the class, what we thought about the readings, about the assignments, about the class structure, etc., and we had our papers and journals returned, with grades. I received an A+ on my paper and an A on my journal. Unless the wheels fall off on the final, which has happened to me before, I should get a solid A.

Going to class was kind of strange. I saw Tam and Charles, among others who I consider friends. Saying goodbye always hurts. I was watching the movie El Postino tonight and started crying when the postman says goodbye to Neruda after slowly forging a friendship. I couldn't help wondering is this how everything ends always forever -- with loss, death? How sad it is. When I look at an eye dilating breathing light and feel the swell of tears build and overflow at such awesome beauty -- how can such a consciousness simply come from nowhere and go nowhere, how can such a consciousness evolve out of an animal's mind in, what, twenty or thirty thousand years? God, I love beauty.

I came home with Neil feeling sick. I'm still not a hundred percent. Maybe it's my bladder because it hurts when I go. Ba today.

My brother Jake came by today. I haven't seen him for quite some time. Sometimes he works out of town, which explains why he doesn't come around much. But he has been around, working in town. For a reason only he knows, he seems to try to distance himself from his family as much as possible. While he was over, my dad came home from celebrating with his friends, and since he was in such a good mood (drunk) he put on some music, singing and dancing, plus the dog kept barking at the antics of both Jake and dad -- there was so much noise I literally couldn't stand it. Craziness drives me crazy, maybe I'm getting old.